How Can we Mend our Marriage After an Affair?
May 06, 2020
Nothing undermines the foundation of marriage more than infidelity. After an affair, the relationship is tainted with feelings of rage, jealousy, betrayal and sadness.

Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as a physical and emotional affair; however, when both spouses are committed to authentic healing, most marriages can survive infidelity. Sometimes examining one’s own mistakes can empower a person to make changes that will help strengthen their marriage in the future.

 

My husband finally admitted to having a full blown one for the past year and a half. I ‘ve known about it for month but he has always denied the allegations. Kind of hard to hide it now because I caught them out together. I am devastated and I feel like after 15 years of marriage that I have lost everything. Is it even possible to make a marriage work after an affair?

Signed, Cheatedon

 

Dear Cheatedon,

It is absolutely possible to repair your marriage after this affair; as long as the affair has truly ended, and both you and your husband are willing to do whatever it takes to process, repair and recover. Just know after you both decide to reconcile your marriage; the real work begins. Your husband first needs to share vital details about his affair — how long it lasted, what he told his affair partner about your marriage — so you can decide to forgive “with eyes wide open.” In my experience, it’s not affairs that solely cause the end of marriages: It’s the unfaithful spouse’s inability to be honest about what happened and leave the affair behind them. You hold the cards in this situation. Your husband has to prove to you that your relationship is worth saving, and that he can be trusted again. Forgiveness after betrayal doesn’t happen overnight, but it can happen. Let me say again, you both need to want to repair this marriage; because moving forward will require time, honesty, patience and effort on both ends. As an effect of the deep emotions associated with betrayal, and grief that often follows the discovery of an affair, I would encourage you to seek out professional help. If you feel like this process is not something you can handle on your own, a professional marriage counselor can establish a neutral environment for you and your spouse to effectively communicate and rebuild your marriage.

XOXO,

Jennifer

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