Nowadays, couples are showing powerful counterexamples with stay-at-home dads and working moms. The current, commonly agreed, “politically correct” plan for marriage is equally sharing house chores, cooking and other duties; some couples naturally fall into roles both parties are comfortable with, but many couples never discuss family responsibilities and duties, causing their preconceived expectations and assumptions to create division, stress and tension in their household.
My boyfriend and I have been together (off and on) for about 9 years. We have 3 beautiful children together ages 5,3, and 1 month. We both work full time jobs and rent our home. As you can imagine, it can get pretty hectic maintaining the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc…) while taking care of the children (baths, homework, etc), and trying to find time for myself . My boyfriend believes he does not have to help with these duties and views them as “a women’s job.” He feels like as long as he provides financially for the family he can just come home, play video games and be catered to. I have expressed to him that our duties should be split 50/50, but he does not agree. It’s 2019! Do you think these “traditional gender roles” should still apply in relationships today?
Signed,
Notyourmaid
Dear Ms. Notyourmaid,
Believe it or not, gender roles still apply in relationships today; that being said, every couple is different. I believe traditional structures of gender roles were laid out by society, and for a long time it was the norm for many couples. Nowadays, there is no clear definition of who should be the house maker or breadwinner. In most families, both partners work, have equal social status, and financial independence. However, a conversation needs to be had regarding responsibilities so both partners come to an understanding of who handles what. In my household we implement traditional gender roles and they totally work for us most of the time—and when things come up, my husband is flexible and willing to help out with whatever needs to be done. On the other hand, I know tons of couples where traditional roles are reversed and it works for them. Regardless of the label society puts on each gender, running a family takes the cooperation of like-minded people who love each other, are willing to share responsibilities, and understand that work schedules, traffic, and children can significantly impact household responsibilities you may have previously agreed on. During times like this, you might have to switch it up. My advice to you is if you can’t convince your boyfriend to help around the house with cleaning and helping with the kids, make him pay for a maid until he figures it out.
XOXO,
Jennifer
